Just Because He loves You…
The Three Levels of a Man’s Commitment
I often hear the question “If he really loves me why won’t he make a commitment?” or “I’ve been dating him for 7 years and he never asked me to marry him, why?” and “Why was he with me for x years and marry someone else within six months?”
All good questions and they are seemingly complex, but just like men if you really look at the dynamic it really a simple answer. You didn’t qualify.
“Yes” you say, “but why did we stay with me for so long and waste time?”
Simple answer: There are three levels to male commitment and what qualifies you for one level doesn’t qualify you for the others. You might be a great girlfriend and he would die for you, but you don’t fit his version of spouse or vice versa.
Have you ever heard a man say “If I were ready to get marry you’d be perfect” and not even date the woman. I’ve guys who have had a FWB (friend with benefits) for 20 years while marrying two other women.
So here’s my analysis of the phenomenon that drives women crazy…

Friend/Lover

This is the lowest level, the startup. It ranges from the being the homegirl you just hang out with at the bottom to a FWB (friend with benefits) at the top.

• His relationship to you is secondary not necessarily intimate.
• He doesn't feel responsible for you or to you. Such as he doesn't have to answer your call or return your text
• There is little to no commitment on his or your part

Requirements: Able to get along or at least be tolerated during whatever time you are in contact

Responsibilities: Little to none. No more than he would do for a friend.

Rewards: None is really expected or offered. Whatever is given that is of mutual benefit.

• Risks: Virtually none.
• He's not tied to you. You could be here today and gone tomorrow.
• He is doing his own thing.
• His problems are his and yours are yours.

Example:
The woman could be a ratchet, tatted up, pole swinging hoochie and the guy a Brooks Brother wearing MBA from Harvard he would still hang out with her because she doesn't really have an effect on his life

Woman/Girlfriend

This is the mid-level, an almost semi-permanent plateau where most men take a more emotional responsibility for a relationship with his partner. The range is pretty broad. I would put girlfriend ( a woman that he's dating) at the bottom all the way up to and including fiancé. This is the SO (significant other) stage and the trickiest. This is the stage most women have problems with because it doesn't have a definite boundary of time. It could last from 90 days to 20 years!

• His emotional relationship to you is primary. It is considered a committed pairing.
• He is responsible to you emotionally and physically; i.e. he has to take that dreaded 3am call to talk or he has to hear about for the 2 weeks!
• Taking this step is commitment on a sliding scale. The further up the level the more responsibility he is assumed to take for you.

Requirements:

• You are a direct reflection of him. So what you wear, how you act, what you say is important. He has publically chosen you so to everyone he knows you belong to him and vice versa. So you conduct is very important.
• Emotional support for him. Yeah you have to listen and try to understand.
• Sexual exclusivity. Unless you have an open relationship this will be important.

Responsibilities:
• He's more emotionally responsible to you. So what you say and how feel matter to him.
• He has decided to form a bond with you and become committed to the relationship.
• He is physically (though not financially) responsible for you. You wellbeing becomes important to him.

Risks:
• As you would expect his risk are a little higher because his emotional involvement.
• His investment in you is higher (time, money, emotion… etc. ) so losing you is losing what's invested.
• Taking you on as a partner could be life altering in the upper end of this level. Having a live in girlfriend is different from seeing her once or twice a week on dates.
• Integrating you at this level also has an effect on his family life (parents, siblings, kids … etc.) that could have lasting effects.

Wife

This is the top level of commitment. This is the brass ring for many women. Here is where the man takes a deep breath and puts all his marbles into the pile. He is totally committed to you at this point. He has decided to form a new family. You now become his partner in life. Just as in business he has everything riding on the success or failure of this endeavor

• His relationship with you is all encompassing. Til death or divorce do you part
• You are a part of him now

Requirements:
• You are a part of him now so everything you do has a direct impact on his life and vice versa
• Support for him has to be total. You are both in the same boat together. Handling his moods, ego and fears are a must.
• Physically you have committed to him. Fidelity is imperative because it the stakes are very high at this point

Responsibilities:
His responsibility to you is total. Everything matters. Your emotional and physical wellbeing etc…
• He has not only formed a bond, but a partnership in life. He has to take that seriously. What happens to you happens to him
• He financially responsible for you any debts you have or financial mistakes you incur happen to him directly. You are his business partner in a marriage corporation.

Risks:
• Everything is on the table. His whole financial, personal, and emotional future is at stake.
• Everything he works for from now on rides on the shoulders of his marriage. If it fails he could lose his money , possessions and children. He could be indebted for life